


red disconnection

by clubsushi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, M/M, overly dramatic ngl, tbh friends to enemies-ish to friends to lovers is more accurate? idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 03:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15964019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clubsushi/pseuds/clubsushi
Summary: There is always someone for everyone. Someone to spend your whole life with. Someone to go out on dates with. Someone to hold hands with. Even simply someone who was just there. A soulmate.Everyone has a soulmate.And Jungwoo isn’t Yukhei’s soulmate.or: yukhei rejected jungwoo with the excuse that he's moving back to hong kong where his soulmate lives. six years later, jungwoo meets yukhei—now lucas—again, and found out he couldn't have possibly already met his soulmate when it was all just a lie.





	red disconnection

_you loved me more than anyone ever could_

_and that’s more than anything i could ever ask for in this lifetime_

 

***

 

In this lifetime, it starts with a rejection.

 

The heavens were particularly torrential that afternoon. Almost like they knew that what would be Jungwoo’s first heartbreak would transpire under the roof of a swing and slide set. The colors, red, yellow, blue of the playground had never looked more murky than it had been muddled with the rain. It’s ridiculous, because the weather doesn’t bend for anyone’s misfortune and yet Jungwoo couldn’t help but look back at that day and just know the skies were crying for a particular reason.

 

Jungwoo’s knees were bent to his chest as he watched the rain pour, hand tugging Yukhei’s shirtsleeve in sporadic instances to stop him from using the slide and inevitably landing on the puddle pooling beneath. Mrs. Wong won’t be too happy to see her son’s clothes soiled with mud. Not to mention that they’re already dripping wet as it took them minutes before they found shelter at the park when the rain started pouring at an exponential rate in the midst of their walk home after school. The both of them forgetting yet again to bring an umbrella even though it’s been weeks since rainy season has started.

 

In retrospect, maybe Jungwoo shouldn’t have confessed. It wasn’t even much of a confession when it was simply just Jungwoo not thinking when his lips failed to filter the “I like you.” from slipping out even though then he’d thought it was an understatement with how his heart was bursting with love from the seams. Jungwoo had been sixteen while Yukhei had been fifteen. They were both foolish schoolboys much too young to understand, but old enough to think they know what it is.

 

It was followed by a silence, and it wasn’t even much of a rejection when Yukhei didn’t outright say his feelings aren't reciprocated, but the _“No.”_ resonated with the white noise. Each droplet hitting the ground further confirming that this is the reality that Jungwoo had to accept.

 

 _Yukhei doesn’t deserve my love,_ Jungwoo thought then. Just because it’s easier believe a lie rather than the stolen glimpses and smiles that apparently meant nothing. It’s so Jungwoo doesn’t have to think about all the times their fingers interlaced that made his heart race and drove his mind insane over things that didn’t exist.

 

Jungwoo’s in love with Yukhei, and it’s hard to hate Yukhei who has so much love to give—just because it’s not the kind that Jungwoo is asking for.

 

“We’re not soulmates.” Yukhei finally spoke, and it’s ridiculous that he even had to say it out loud because Jungwoo knew, _they both knew_ that there’s a red painted band wound on both their ring fingers on their left hands. It’s supposed to have always been there waiting to burn if their soulmates were near. It’s supposed to feel like their hands were caught aflame once they touch. Lasting until they both realize they were soulmates.

 

It didn’t burn when they first met, Wong Yukhei, the new kid from the family who just moved in the apartment complex last summer, strutting in the neighborhood football field and asking if he could join them. When they first held hands underneath the school tables, it had been cold. Clammy hands grasped together, tiny whispers of support as Jungwoo prayed he wouldn’t be called next to present the declamation even though he already has every word tattooed at the back of his mind.

 

Jungwoo never felt the burning sensation in his ring finger. There was not even a single indication that would lead to them being soulmates, there was nothing except for the slight tug Jungwoo feels in his chest whenever he’s with Yukhei.

 

Jungwoo knew the red band painted on his ring finger wasn’t going to burn. It just won’t. _It will never._ He looked at his own ring finger then at Yukhei’s own. The band was barely even a few millimeters thick and flat on the surface of their skin. It’s supposed to look like an invisible ring wound tight on his finger. They were identical though they both knew they were not in any way connected.

 

The stark red had never looked uglier than at that moment.

 

It’s selfish, but Jungwoo couldn’t help but ask, “Does it matter?”

 

Yukhei smiled at him, and Jungwoo never knew it was possible to be physically in pain just at looking at the sight. “I’m moving away back to Hong Kong after the school year ends.” Yukhei gritted his teeth, and Jungwoo wished he had just stopped there. Maybe it would have stung less. Instead, he continued, “It’s where my soulmate lives.”

 

“Oh.” Jungwoo looked away and curled himself up even more, chin resting on his knees as he stared blankly ahead. Maybe he should have brought his umbrella today. They wouldn’t be stuck here if he had.

 

It’s silent and yet there’s a dissonance ringing in Jungwoo’s ears. It’s the calmness that terrifies him. It’s the rain. It’s finding out that Yukhei is moving away. It’s that he’s being rejected, and he doesn’t know how it’ll be like with them after this. It’s the overwhelming reminder that there is always someone for everyone. Someone to spend your whole life with. Someone to go out on dates with. Someone to hold hands with. Even simply someone who was just there. A soulmate.

 

Everyone has a soulmate.

 

And Jungwoo isn’t Yukhei’s soulmate.

 

“You’ll find yours too. We’re both still young.” Yukhei said, perhaps as words of comfort but instead felt like he’s being kicked in the gut.

 

It’s desperate, but Jungwoo doesn’t have anything left to lose. He didn’t mean for his voice to break but it did when he asked, “Did it ever mean anything?”

 

It’s Yukhei’s turn to use his own words back at him, “Does it matter?”

 

It’s silent again, and they just sat there for minutes watching the downpour turn into a drizzle. The rain is letting up, and they could manage to run through it when the apartment complex is just a few blocks away from where they are.

 

“Let’s go?” Yukhei went down the slide before Jungwoo could even protest. Next thing he knew there he was, feet midway on the ladder near Jungwoo’s side. Yukhei’s left hand was out for Jungwoo to take, and this is as much as he could get, so he took it.

 

Sometimes, Jungwoo still wonders why he still held Yukhei’s hand even after the rejection. If it ever meant anything even if it didn’t matter.

 

Jungwoo had thought then, about why soulmates even exist when they’re all capable of falling in love with people who aren’t meant to be theirs. For a split-second, he wondered what kind of world would it be like if soulmates didn’t exist, or at least not be able to know who they are and if Yukhei would still reject him if they had lived in that kind of world.

 

But Yukhei is right, they’re still so young. There are plenty of other times he’ll fall in love. Jungwoo shouldn’t let his mind be occupied by Yukhei’s dispensable smiles that seem to be plastered on his face. He shouldn’t let his head be filled with how Yukhei rubs his thumb over the back of his hand whenever Jungwoo spaces out or how Yukhei's always so loud and his voice loops and takes over every single nook and cranny of his mind. He shouldn’t have let his feelings grow just because they’re together almost every single hour of the day. They were seatmates, neighbors, and spent each morning and afternoon walking home. Weekends were spent playing football or video games with frequent study sessions after school. It was hard not to when there’s so much to love about Wong Yukhei, and Jungwoo’s heart is drowning in empty bottles of love Yukhei will never be able to give to him.

 

The school year ends in February, that’s six months away, but he couldn’t keep the saline liquid from the corner of his eyes from spilling. Somehow it felt like the end, and just the thought of it tears him apart. Jungwoo’s eyes were blinded by the tears and the rain—and nothing was clear anymore. If only for a few minutes, he can cry and let the rain wash it away.

 

Jungwoo tried to memorize everything, how the rain felt on his skin, how the clouds blanketed the streets in a soft glow, how their steps were both rushed yet somehow also paced because they were scared for the moment to end. Yet Jungwoo hadn’t paid more attention to the hand he was holding aside from how warm it always feels like against his.

 

Jungwoo will fall in love again. He’ll feel like this again with someone else with a better understanding of what love is. He’ll find someone who will hold his hand and love him too. This won’t be the last.

 

Jungwoo just isn’t so sure if anyone will ever compare to Yukhei.

**Author's Note:**

> i missed writing something kinda sad so here i am hehe this is kinda short oof but im not sure when i'll be able to finish it because i kinda suck at thaT HEHE but !! ive been meaning to write something like this for awhile now so why not now right?? 
> 
> twitter: [@jwooluvbot](https://twitter.com/jwooluvbot) (pls talk to me i want friends hehe)


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